"And it came to pass"

Positive:  I'm not crying every night like I was for about 3 weeks straight
Negative:  I'm not crying every night like I was for about 3 weeks straight (?)

I don't know whether this is good or bad.  Bad:  Am I becoming numb?  Good:  Am I adjusting finally?
It seems I'm becoming used to disappointment.  OF COURSE the job was only recently filled.  OF COURSE your church is looking for someone with a certain number of years of paid experience.  OF COURSE your not responding back to my email.  Of course.

I keep telling myself that there's gotta be a reason.  There always is, isn't there?  We always find this out later though.  After the fact.  Once it's over. And then we call it: perspective.  And we smile.

Except I'm not smiling now.  And I have trouble thinking clearly or even knowing what I want or what would be good for me to pursue. Where to live?  What type of job to pursue?  Where to look for open doors in ministry?  Churches?

I find hope, small little glimmers of it that come fleetingly but still, hope, in thinking that this will pass.  This season.  That life is about peaks and valleys, and this valley will soon start it's upward climb.  That I will someday find my niche, my place, a 'home', and well, let's be real here: a job.

It's like that Mark Lowry skit.  Ok, deal with me here.  I'm going old school Christian culture.
Mark Lowry. Christian comedian.  I owned his VHS (oooo, the time before DVDs.  Am I aging myself?)
"Heart in Motion", in 5th grade which means the tape was probably made in like, '94/'95.
Sometimes corny, but I find myself often drawing on his "it came to pass" wisdom.
Here's what I mean:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z-nwWEpHdQ

Life verse:  "and it came to pass".  It didn't come to stay.  This will sort itself out.  After all, every believer goes through their 'wilderness' season, don't they?  I mean, at LEAST one.  Maybe several.  Maybe it's a part of our journey.  And maybe I'll come out of this with tons of life lessons.
Or at least that magic word:  perspective.

The Lord hasn't changed.  I enjoy thinking on that too.  Though maybe my pespective has changed.  Maybe my heart has changed.  Maybe my motivation, schedule, location, and everything about my day to day life has completely changed over the last few months.  But God hasn't.  And He never changes who He is.  His promises?  They stay the same, they stay consistent.  His Word?  True.  His love?  Steadfast and unshakable.
His plans and purpose for my life?  They still exist.  Despite me.  Despite my emotions, weaknesses, confusion, and temporary life paralysis.  He still whispers "a hope and a future", even when I can only see darkness and a blurred path.

"And it came to pass."  Seasons of life.  Peaks.  Valleys.  Emotions.  Situations.
This too shall pass.